Adet Petudui

The groom, according to the custom must sleep and stay at the bride's house and they must not go out of  the house for 3 days. During the adet petudui, the newly wed couple must serve each other with betel nut wrapped in 'sireh'.

After serving the 'balen' the newly wed couple are sent off bed and retired for bed times. The bride must wear special clothes (sarong) embroidered with golden thread. The mother of groom must place onto each couple hand a unit of gold bracelet and a gold plated bangle.

After the adet petudui, the guest will dance the traditional melanau dance called 'bertandak'. They will also exchange 'pantun' and continuously exchange called 'bermukun'. At midnight, there will be some kind of break. Hot tea together with local traditional melanau sago biscuits will be served.

Wedding Ceremony

The most important part of the Melanau marriage is surong brian (literally 'the bring toward of bride wealth). The surong brian is Melanau words is ' work of old and great '. 
Following the feast the groom's father will ask his selected family representative to present bride wealth (brian) to parent of the bride.
 The ' wakil ' also advice on how the different part of the ' surong brian ' should be allocated, and who will present on that. In order to achieve this end, the 'wakil' must be well-verses in traditional customary ritual and be able to speak elegantly and convincingly.
 A weight of gold valued must be placed in wooden receptacle according to the social rank of the bride.
In fact, the gold in the  'ulou brian' often has the value of more than on pikol of brass cannon.



Wedding day

The relative from both side will busy inviting the village folk to attend the wedding ceremony. In olden days, the invited visitors will bring forward gifts in form of chicken and rice but nowadays wrapped up gifts and cash are common.

About 10 o'clock, the bride and the entourage will first visit the groom's house. The groom parents herald the arrival of the bride and entourage and will be given a warm traditional welcome.

Betrothal Ceremony

An engagement is initial by the boy's parents who either go in person or send a representative to girl's parents' house to propose meeting.

A boy's parent will send the designated representative to the girl's parents to inquire the costume to marry ritual (called adet) and bride wealth the girl's parents demand for their daughter. Whatever the girl's parents ask for will be accepted without dispute.

The designated representative usually women who are of boy's parents (call wakil) are instructed as what request have been made.

Once the women designated representative agree as the betrothal dowry. They hand over the ceremony to the man's family to talk further about the ceremony to be held.

At the end of two or three months, the parents from both the boy and girl side discuss the date of wedding. The period of the engagement is from one to three years.

The betrothal ceremony 

Melanau Wedding

Melanau is one of the ethnic that live in Sarawak, Malaysia. They are mostly centered in the vicinity Batang Rejang, Oya, Igan, Mukah and Balingian areas in Sarawak.

Melanau weddings consist of few stages, which include select bride by the boy’s parent who either go in person or send a representative, negotiation about the wedding ceremony, sending gifts, and the ceremony itself.

The three stages are Betrothal Ceremony, Wedding Day and Adet Petudui.

In the past, Melanau Wedding is much more different compare to the others. For now, the ceremony is almost the same as the others. The gift such as food and animal (in traditional way) are now replaced by gold and money.

Although polygamous marriage, with the consent of the first wife, is permitted in Melanau marriage, it is very rare and usually leads to divorce.

Read the next post for more information about the three stages of the wedding.

Akad Nikah

'Akad Nikah' is known as the solemnization of marriage or in a simpler sense the wedding vows in a traditional Malay wedding. This solemnization is done by either the father of the bride, or delegated to the kadi or other designated Islamic religious official. The groom must say the acceptance of marriage in one breath, otherwise it has to be taken again. The traditional Malay wedding is full of fun and delights but of course it has to start with the 'akad nikah'. This formal contract of marriage is one of the Islamic requirements and that happens when the bridegroom seals the 'contract' with either the bride’s father, or an authorized person called 'wali' who is either the bride’s male sibling, uncle or very close relative.

Before the 'akad nikah' proper, as preliminaries, the imam will try to make the groom comfortable. He will give out advice and suggestions on the duties of a good husband and wife. Sometimes, he might test the groom on religious matters by asking him to recite a few verses of the Al-Quran, or knowledge of the basic pillars of Islam and faith.

But since nowadays all potential marriage partners must attend a wedding course before they can get married, it is usually assumed that the groom is well versed in basic Islamic knowledge.

Well, the 'akad nikah' will start with the groom sitting (on a small square mattress to make him comfortable,) facing the imam. They will then hold hands in a handshake manner, and the imam will say the words of the 'akad nikah' to the groom who will then reply.

There will be witnesses surrounding both the imam and the groom. This is for the groom to recites his vows in a single breath with witnesses around to help prove that the groom recited his vows in a single breath. But before that, the imam will say the words of marriage to the groom, he will shake the hand of the groom. This acts to signify to the groom to make the reply.

As the groom replies, the groom must utter his vows in a single breath and must be clearly heard by at least two of the main witnesses sitting beside the imam. The imam will then ask both witnesses and others whether the groom’s vows or recital can be accepted. If they agree, then the marriage is solemnized and the wedded ones are now deemed husband and wife.

And the imam then immediately recites prayers for a happy and blissful marriage for the newly wedded couple. He will then read to the groom the duties of a husband, his rights, the dos and don’ts, and also the duties and rights of the wife.

He will mention in particular the stages in pursuing the Islamic divorce and the consequences of reciting divorce intentions including incidences where it is lawful for the wife to seek divorce.

And after the imam has finished with his advice, the groom, acknowledging the advice given, will then sign the formal papers of marriage for official documentation purpose.

The formalities of the 'akad nikah' being over, and after his short prayer, the groom now will go to his wife and slip in the marriage ring, in a brief Malay traditional ceremony known as "membatal air sembahyang" or "breaking the solah ablution".

This is symbolizes that he now can touch the bride being her lawful husband. In Islam, males are not allowed to touch unrelated females, and vice versa, unless the skin or parts are covered. Now, however, as husband and wife there are no such restrictions or prohibitions.

The ceremony ends with the bride kissing the groom’s hands after the placing of the ring.

And they will later in the afternoon proceed for the "Bersanding" ceremony sitting "in state" on the pelamin the highlight of a traditional Malay wedding.

Then after the ceremony and all, in a few weeks time, the Religious Department will deliver him the official marriage certificate.

The groom will then do the Muslim two rakaah "Solah Syukur" meaning a prayer, as a gratitude to Allah on the successful proceedings and to seek guidance on his new status as a husband.

Meminang

The next stage of Malay wedding is the 'meminang' stage which comes after the 'merisik' stage. Now, after confirming the marriage of the young couple, the family members of the male side of the family will  proceed to meet with the family members of the female side of the family in order to confirm the marriage date and time. Besides, the meeting also includes the agreement of the amount of money to be paid by the male side of the family, also known as 'wang belanja'. The meeting also settles the amount of female and male guests for the wedding and the gifts to be presented by the male side and the female side. The gifts are said to be in odd number and more than seven gifts in total. Some of the customary gifts include, a ring, a betel-leaf container, a complete set of clothes and fruits.

On this day the date for the wedding ceremony (akad nikah) and the various other conditions and requirements will be also confirmed by both parties. Once all such matters have been resolved, the bridegroom’s representatives will hand over all the gifts (hantaran) items with the exception of the engagement ring. The ring will be placed on the finger of the potential bride by an elder sister or aunt of the potential bridegroom. The potential bride will all this while be in her chamber.

The gifts from the family of the potential bride meant for the potential bridegroom are now handed to his representatives. The gift items may include a velvet cap (songkok), a prayer mat (sejadah) a pair of clothes and so on. The gifts must also be placed in an add number of trays, the number of trays being higher than those received from the potential bridegroom’s party. This completes the meminang ceremony.

Following the exchange of gifts a feast is given to the bridegroom’s party, before they leave for home.

Merisik

When it is time for a young man to get married, his family will aid in the look out for possible candidates. Once one has been decided upon, the "merisik" process begins, whose purpose is solely to investigate his potential bride. The family's role is to pay a friendly visit to the family of their "target", and a hint will be given to her parents regarding the purpose of the visit, and their reaction will be assessed. 

The girl's parents may also give an answer on behalf of their daughter. The "merisik" process does not constitute a formal proposal, and following the visit both sides can begin to think more seriously about the possibility or otherwise of the union. If it is known or assumed that no progress will take place, the young man's parents or representatives will search for another possible candidate.

Malay Wedding

Malay weddings consist of many stages, the stages includs activities such as selecting your bride, negotiations about the ceremonies, sending of gifts, and the ceremony itself.

The stages are named "Merisik", "Meminang", "Hantaran", and "Akad Nikah" with reference to the order mentioned above.

Though Malay marriages across the country are thought to be the same, they have minor differences due to hybridisation of cultures, but yet they still share certain stark similarities, which brings about the identity of the race.

What will be encapsulating are the chronological steps of the general Malay Wedding, as well as the impression it imposes on others.

More to come in the next post.

Sarawakian Marriages

Malaysia is a multiracial country located in South-East Asia. It has many cultures due to the variety of races, and hence many different lifestyles were born with it. One of the biggest states in Malaysia, Sarawak, is the state where most races co-exist. Today we will be learning about the marriages in Sarawak.

One of the keys of a culture's background is marriage. Marriage displays the pure essence of its race and its culture by showcasing the uniqueness of one's way of living. Every race has a different way of getting married, no two races have the exact same method of joining two loved ones as one. So it is imperative that we take note of the minor details in any and every culture's marriages in order that we do not disgrace ourselves or show disrespect while attending marriages of other races.

While it is important to learn the ways of every race's marriage, group "cincailah" from Group 14, CAL @ Taylor's College, Subang Jaya, will only be presenting on Malay marriages and Melanau marriages.